Delicate Balance

So I thought I'd jump back into the blogosphere and start a new blog. Not sure if this is where I'll end up staying, as blogspot seems a bit.... primitive... But it's a start.

I suppose I should explain the name of my blog. I used to have a blog on a personal web page waaaaaaay back in 2002 with the same name. It was at a very "down" point in my life, I was very bitter and angry, and was having a hard time finding balance in my life. I would go from really happy-go-lucky to pits-of-despair depressed quite easily.

Needless to say that is not the way I am anymore, nor is it the reason for this blog having the same name. I was trying to think of a name for this thing, and felt that Delicate Balance still applied, albeit for different reasons. I'm trying to balance a whole whack of things right now: Job, Money, Car, House, Fiance, Wedding, Honeymoon, Friends, Family, etc.

On top of that is the constant balance I'm trying to find between living in the world, and being a Christian. I still haven't found a balance I a) like, and b) feel is appropriate for a Christian. I think that Christians do have a Delicate Balance they need to find, and work hard to achieve that. The way I see it, you can go one way and be what I like to call "uber-churchy":

Pros:
Good for your spiritual life.
Good for uplifting other Christians.

Cons:
Somewhat intimidating/awkward for non-Christian friends.
Easy to settle into a routine and not challenge yourself.

The other way is to be a wishy-washy Christian:

Pros:
Non-Christians find you a lot less intimidating/awkward.
Non-Christians find you a lot more approachable.

Cons:
Alienating to some of your Christian friends.
Can fall into hypocrisy.

I'm sure there are other levels of the spectrum for that. Anywho, I've always found myself more on the wishy-washy side if I'm honest. I enjoy imbibing an alcoholic beverage from time to time. I will cuss when frustrated on occasion. I also will never miss a Sunday at church, and quite often will be involved in the service. I don't often bring up my Christianity with non-Christian friends, but will gladly discuss it should the topic be broached.

I think I need to push myself more to the other side of the spectrum. Give up some things, and embrace other things. Stop being lazy with Spiritual things, and start being proactive. This is especially important given my new role as Husband/Leader which is impending. 6 weeks away. Ye gods, it has snuck up on me.

Which makes a good transition, I think. The first bit of this entry has been solely about me and my life. And the past 31 years primarily has been that way. I now have to get into the mindset where I need to think about me AND my wife-to-be, Stacey.

First of all, let me just say that I am madly in love with Stacey. Perhaps I don't show it like you would see in a Romantic Chick Flick where I learn how to play guitar and serenade her outside her window, although that would be kinda cool.... But I digress. Stacey is a fantastic woman, and I am so blessed and lucky that she would go for a shmuck like me. She is sweet, she's funny, she's gorgeous, she's cute, she's witty, she's smart, she loves kids, she loves pets, she makes a mean taco salad.... I could go on for quite some time. But she's also alot of things that I need to incorporate into my life: She's patient, she's empathetic/sympathetic, and most importantly, she really loves God. You can tell by her actions and what she says. That is something that I admire about her a great deal, and something I will strive to learn from her in the years to come. Although, hopefully it doesn't take years for me to learn such things.

But she's the primary reason why I need to work harder to find this Delicate Balance that I feel I need to achieve. She is going to be my wife, and I need to step it up/be a man/lead in our marriage. That's something I feel I can do, but it won't be easy. So this is probably a good reason for this blog. To be held accountable for my actions, and for there to be some record of what I want to do, and who I want to be. Not only do I have to do all the things I need to do for myself, but now I need to do them for her as well. And that might be the kick in the pants I need to actually step up.

I feel like I've rambled on for a good amount for an opening blog post. I expect I will update more here as the next 6 weeks lead up to the wedding. That is another reason for this blog. I think the pre-wedding/post-wedding thoughts and ramblings will be an interesting contrast, and even though my previous blog was kinda dark, it's still very introspective to read what was going on in my head back then. Hopefully this blog does the same for me 8 years down the road.