Dress rehearsal

So this weekend was kind of a dress rehearsal for married life. Stacey is now done work as of Wednesday, and came up to Kitchener, staying at Paul and Maegan's. She left tonight to drive back to Niagara Falls for the last time a single woman.

We basically hung out all "weekend", (I had to work on Friday, so it was a weird "weekend"), and got a lot done around the house, and for the wedding. My wife-to-be did a lot of the cleaning inside the house, and I did the cleaning outside, as well as some work inside. I think we've already found out what types of jobs we will end up doing when we're living together, so that was nice.

As well we put up a bunch of pictures (all shower gifts), the mirror that Stacey's Aunt and Uncle made for us (imprinted with our names and the date of our wedding), and a new light fixture for the living room that my Parents/sister gave to us. On top of that we went through our "loot" from the many showers, organized the basement and kitchen, threw out a ton of boxes/things that were in storage for no good reason, and really we're kinda set for married life, as far as the house goes. The only thing left is for us to "make the house ours" by painting.

One thing I learned about my wife-to-be this weekend is that she is a very hard and meticulous worker. She has patience, and lots of it. I don't have patience. If I don't see progress almost straight away, I lose interest.

This is obvious in housework: I will do grunt work like nobody's business. I spent the better part of an hour breaking down cardboard, and folding it so that it would fit in my two recycle bins. This stuff is stuff that is not a pretty job, but I know I can do it, and I can see the benefits/progress plainly. On the other hand, I don't like cleaning bathrooms because it takes a long time and it just seems like you're moving dirt/dust/lint/etc. around, rather than actually cleaning it up. Stacey, however, works hard at what she does, and does a fantastic job at it. I think we will work well as a unit with such things.

We even "entertained" this weekend. I invited my family up for Canada Day and we had a BBQ. I was the cook of the meat, Stacey made taco salad (mmmmm), and played hostess very well. It's nice to see that she is getting comfortable in what will be her own house. That being said, my family helped in bringing food up, as well as the cleanup. We also tried out the chocolate fountain, and while we didn't quite get it right (the chocolate didn't flow due to a) not enough chocolate and b) apparently you're supposed to add a bit of vegetable oil to make it flow better), it was still delicious. And it prompted my dad to make an impulse buy of his own chocolate fountain later on in the weekend. Between his waffle maker and the chocolate fountain, he has the weirdest impulse buys.

As well, Stacey and I went on a couple walks this weekend. Once to explore the park area behind our house, and another to walk up to Dairy Queen. Mmmmmm, Dairy Queen. It's nice to be able to do a wide variety of things with Stacey to mix things up. I did find myself wanting a bit of Sean time (read: Fifa 10 on Xbox is my crack), but at the same time it was nice to just cozy up on the couch with my girl and watch Glee and catch a wee nap.

All that being said, I can't wait until I can "catch a wee nap" with my wife in the bedroom rather than on the couch. ;)

Stress relief

So alot of folks are asking me now, "Are you getting nervous?" To be honest, not nearly as much as one would think. I'm more nervous that everything runs smoothly and that Stacey and I haven't forgotten some key thing. Even if we do forget something, I'm sure we can roll with it.

As far as other nervousness, nothing really. I know I've met the woman of my dreams, and I'm just lucky enough to be able to get to marry her. I'm sure that the wedding day will be great, and nothing will get me down.

I'm pretty pumped about the Honeymoon too. We finally were given the details of the Accomodations we have on the tour, and most of them look really awesome! There are a few... rustic ones. Which I don't think is a bad thing. When you're in the middle of the Outback, you kinda want rustic.

As far as what little stress I do have right now, Stacey and I have been doing fun stuff to mix up the running around. For example, we did a little impromptu photoshoot on our way to see Bruce and Brad Boland's band, The Jukebox Junkies, play at the Falls. Now that I've seen the shots, I really have a hankering to play around with my camera some more. I managed to take a few stunning shots of Stacey against the Niagara skyline. I have to say between the "subject matter" and the time of day, it's one of the most beautiful pictures I've been able to take.

This weekend I imagine we'll bear down and see if we can hash out some final things so that we can be on a bit of a cruise control the last 2 weeks. What needs to be done:

- Seating Plan

- Telling the limo company what our itinerary is

- Figuring out how the reception will go

- Planning with our awesome MC's about how the reception will go

- Meeting with Darrin to discuss how the Ceremony will go

Amongst other things. So a lot of small-medium stuff. I'm not too worried.. Yet.

Of Showers and Bachelor Parties

So we're into week 2 of "Silly Season", and I've got 2 Jack and Jill Showers and a Bachelor Party under my belt.

I gotta say I'm not used to receiving so many gifts and being the focus of attention by default, and not by being my normal self. I'm not sure if this will get me into trouble, but Stacey has admitted to me that she likes being the centre of attention. Which is nice, because usually when she has the attention she goes bright red, and gets really quiet. Get used to the attention, sweetheart. When you hang out with me, the attention often shifts your way. :)

Truly everyone has been very generous, and both showers that I've been to were fun times! Stacey's family shower was a smashing success. My future Mother-In-Law, Uncle Kenny, Aunt Lorie, and all the cousins did a great job! I had a lot of fun chatting with soon-to-be in-laws, and enjoying some good food. The Waterloo shower had some awesome food, and good conversation. We got some good/funny advice in the form of "postcards" from Australia at the Waterloo shower too, so those were fun to read after the fact. I'll probably share some of those later on.

One thing I'm not used to is not being able to reciprocate. There's a subtle difference in the way that my family and Stacey's family interact. In my family, everyone tries to keep things even... to absurd lengths. At Christmas when purchasing gifts, I find myself thinking about what the person I'm buying for will probably spend on me, and try my best to match what to spend on them based on that estimate. I've found that in the past if I "overspend" on a gift for someone, there may be hurt feelings. It's kinda bizarre, but that's just how our family is. Everybody wants everyone to be even.

With Stacey's family I don't see that. I've picked up on the attitude that "I'm going to give what I can, and when I'm in need, I'll get my turn to be on the receiving end", which I like. The amount of work/time/money that I've seen Stacey's family devote to gatherings such as our "Bloke and Sheilah" shower is incredible. But the attitude is almost "it'll all even out in the end", which is an attitude I can relate to.

Still, I have this tendency to want to help out and reciprocate where possible. It actually annoyed me that I was repeatedly denied helping clean up after the Waterloo shower by a certain Best Man of mine. But at the same time I can see why. Right now, people are being servants on Stacey and I's behalf. As much as I want to help out, or reciprocate, they're doing service, and who am I to prevent that? Certainly by me helping I wasn't preventing them from serving, and I still think I could've been allowed to help out a little, but I can see the point.

Add on top of that everyone lavishing us with gifts... I really feel like I need to be doing something to give back. And I'm sure that opportunity will come in the future. I just need to keep my eyes out for opportunities, and actually act on them when they come along.

I have to say that I couldn't have chosen a better Best Man, though. The Bachelor Party on Saturday was perfect. We went to the Playdium in Mississauga for the day, and enjoy some Video games, Go-Karts, Batting Cages, and about 6-8 holes of Mini-Putt before the skies opened up. Everyone had a fun time, including myself. :)

But if I'm honest, I'm more happy that everyone else had as good as time as I did. That's just who I am. If I'm doing something, i want to make sure everyone is enjoying whatever it is we're doing. Sports, games, working on something, having everyone enjoy something is where I get the most enjoyment. Paul did a good job of planning and getting everyone in on the action. My father actually was one of the last ones to leave! I enjoyed spending some time with him as well as my friends, and he seemed to enjoy the day too.

So all in all I am very blessed, a little overwhelmed, and adamant that in the future I will be able to do something to thank/reciprocate all the generosity that has been shown to Stacey and I.

Advice

Thought I'd share a bunch of the advice that has so freely been given to me with regards to my upcoming nuptials. Alot of this stuff is gold, some of it I've got no worries about, but I figured I'd amass all of it in one spot for reference in the future.

Warning, some advice that was given to me was with regards to *gasp* SEX. Read on if you dare.

General
- It's okay to spend time apart from each other and have other interests.
- Ask yourself: Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
- If you've had a bad day, don't dump on your spouse.
- Always make a point of showing interest in your spouse's activities.
- Each time something bothers you, ask whether it's worth a fight - even if you don't think it will start one.

Communication
- Talk to each other openly, every day
- Talk about your problems rather than letting them slide, or leaving passive-aggressive notes
- Don't ever say "I don't care." Make a decision so that your spouse knows that you're involved in the decision making process
- When you're happy, let your spouse know. When you're upset, let them know. Don't ever just react - explain.
- Get used to apologizing even though you don't think you've done anything wrong -- find out why your spouse is angry and apologize for that, then really try hard not to do the same thing again
- When it comes to arguments/differences of opinion: Always think it through a bit and see how you feel after a hour or so.

Romance
- Don't forget to be romantic, even after years.
- Show appreciation for your spouse every day

House Life
- Figure out what you're going to do for chores; Talk to each other about what each person's tasks will be and divide them up as you see fair.
- If you see your spouse cleaning up, offer to help
- If your spouse offers to help with cleaning up, propose something for them to do
- Pick up after yourself

Finances
- Make sure you and your spouse are aware of all debt that will be brought into the marriage
- Make sure you and your spouse are both involved in financial decisions
- Try hard not to argue about money
- Discuss payments. Decide who is going to be responsible for paying the bills.

Sex
- Sex will probably not be very good the first time
- Take it slow
- Lube is your friend
- Extensive foreplay is your friend
- Have a sense of humour about it
- Find out ahead of time if your spouse is allergic to latex

Wedding
- Sit down and eat. It's your Wedding, you deserve to enjoy a meal.

Keepin' it real

So today I checked our Honeymoon Tour, and found that our flight itinerary had been posted. I double checked departure dates and times just to be sure that the arrangements surrounding the tour were correct. Even with the tour, which is guided and accommodations are all taken care of as a part of it, things are still kinda complicated:

- After the reception, Stacey and I are staying in a hotel which will not be named in Niagara Falls.
- Then we board a plane from Buffalo in the morning to fly out to San Diego.
- Once in San Diego, we'll be staying at the Coronado Marriott Resort Hotel and Spa for 4 nights (yay Marriott Reward points!)
- Then we start our tour... We fly from San Diego to LAX in Los Angeles, and then start our 14 hour flight to Australia
- There's tons of flights as a part of the tour as we're really checking out a lot of areas of Australia/New Zealand
- We leave New Zealand and have a 3 day stopover in Fiji
- We leave Fiji and head back to San Diego, where we're staying at another Marriott hotel near the San Diego airport
- Finally, the next day we fly back to Buffalo and we go back to normal life.

It's so odd... Stacey and I won't even spend a night together in our house until about a month after the wedding. I suppose we can "get all the kinks" out on the Honeymoon and really break the house/bed in properly when we get home. ; )

Speaking of bed, it's time I went there.

T-6 weeks and counting

So 6 weeks from today I will be getting last minute things organized, packing for my honeymoon, and doing a rehearsal for the wedding.

6 weeks... Man that snuck up on me.

We're getting into "silly season" right now. From here until the wedding, Stacey and I have NO free weekends. Which is not me complaining. We have been incredibly blessed by family and friends, and essentially have a least 1 shower per weekend in the month of June. Craziness! The outpourint of generosity that we have received is already overwhelming, I can only imagine what it's going to be like in the coming weekends as we do showers, and I have my bachelor party.

I feel myself a bit overwhelmed what with me being the sole billpayer at the moment, as well as trying to save up for the wedding, but all that is temporary and will be over soon. Stacey and I have talked about our budget after we're married, and I'm confident that even though she will probably have a hard time finding a job, we've got a solid plan going forward with me being the sole moneymaker. I think that's a good situation to be in because when she does find meaningful work (and we can afford to be picky), it'll be a bonus for us, rather than life and limb. This also will come in handy when we decide to have kids.

On that topic, the "plan" that we have is to start having kids in about 2 years. Whether or not our plan coincides with God's remains to be seen. As an intermediate step, we want to get a dog about 6 months to a year from now. We figure that's good practice. : ) Our friend Brianna has also mentioned that her youngest foster child is a great "practice baby" as he is so well behaved, and really isn't bothered by much, so we may have to "borrow" him from time to time.

As far as the "planning" goes, we really just need to tell the Reception Hall what we want for the Reception. Essentially Food, Music, and Colours for the decorations. They take care of the rest. I like that. A few miscellaneous jobs that I have left are: Vows (which I've already started), and finishing up the Programs for the wedding ceremony. I currently have the basics done, but I want to do something special for the back of the Programs. I'm kinda glad I've been charged with this task.

I'm also really trying to get a lot done with the house before we go on the honeymoon. The plan is to have neighbours, friends, and family check in constantly, but I don't want anything to go wrong, and ideally would prefer to enlist someone to house-sit for us. Unfortunately I can't think of anyone who would be in a position to do that. But we'll see...

That's about all for now, I suppose.

Delicate Balance

So I thought I'd jump back into the blogosphere and start a new blog. Not sure if this is where I'll end up staying, as blogspot seems a bit.... primitive... But it's a start.

I suppose I should explain the name of my blog. I used to have a blog on a personal web page waaaaaaay back in 2002 with the same name. It was at a very "down" point in my life, I was very bitter and angry, and was having a hard time finding balance in my life. I would go from really happy-go-lucky to pits-of-despair depressed quite easily.

Needless to say that is not the way I am anymore, nor is it the reason for this blog having the same name. I was trying to think of a name for this thing, and felt that Delicate Balance still applied, albeit for different reasons. I'm trying to balance a whole whack of things right now: Job, Money, Car, House, Fiance, Wedding, Honeymoon, Friends, Family, etc.

On top of that is the constant balance I'm trying to find between living in the world, and being a Christian. I still haven't found a balance I a) like, and b) feel is appropriate for a Christian. I think that Christians do have a Delicate Balance they need to find, and work hard to achieve that. The way I see it, you can go one way and be what I like to call "uber-churchy":

Pros:
Good for your spiritual life.
Good for uplifting other Christians.

Cons:
Somewhat intimidating/awkward for non-Christian friends.
Easy to settle into a routine and not challenge yourself.

The other way is to be a wishy-washy Christian:

Pros:
Non-Christians find you a lot less intimidating/awkward.
Non-Christians find you a lot more approachable.

Cons:
Alienating to some of your Christian friends.
Can fall into hypocrisy.

I'm sure there are other levels of the spectrum for that. Anywho, I've always found myself more on the wishy-washy side if I'm honest. I enjoy imbibing an alcoholic beverage from time to time. I will cuss when frustrated on occasion. I also will never miss a Sunday at church, and quite often will be involved in the service. I don't often bring up my Christianity with non-Christian friends, but will gladly discuss it should the topic be broached.

I think I need to push myself more to the other side of the spectrum. Give up some things, and embrace other things. Stop being lazy with Spiritual things, and start being proactive. This is especially important given my new role as Husband/Leader which is impending. 6 weeks away. Ye gods, it has snuck up on me.

Which makes a good transition, I think. The first bit of this entry has been solely about me and my life. And the past 31 years primarily has been that way. I now have to get into the mindset where I need to think about me AND my wife-to-be, Stacey.

First of all, let me just say that I am madly in love with Stacey. Perhaps I don't show it like you would see in a Romantic Chick Flick where I learn how to play guitar and serenade her outside her window, although that would be kinda cool.... But I digress. Stacey is a fantastic woman, and I am so blessed and lucky that she would go for a shmuck like me. She is sweet, she's funny, she's gorgeous, she's cute, she's witty, she's smart, she loves kids, she loves pets, she makes a mean taco salad.... I could go on for quite some time. But she's also alot of things that I need to incorporate into my life: She's patient, she's empathetic/sympathetic, and most importantly, she really loves God. You can tell by her actions and what she says. That is something that I admire about her a great deal, and something I will strive to learn from her in the years to come. Although, hopefully it doesn't take years for me to learn such things.

But she's the primary reason why I need to work harder to find this Delicate Balance that I feel I need to achieve. She is going to be my wife, and I need to step it up/be a man/lead in our marriage. That's something I feel I can do, but it won't be easy. So this is probably a good reason for this blog. To be held accountable for my actions, and for there to be some record of what I want to do, and who I want to be. Not only do I have to do all the things I need to do for myself, but now I need to do them for her as well. And that might be the kick in the pants I need to actually step up.

I feel like I've rambled on for a good amount for an opening blog post. I expect I will update more here as the next 6 weeks lead up to the wedding. That is another reason for this blog. I think the pre-wedding/post-wedding thoughts and ramblings will be an interesting contrast, and even though my previous blog was kinda dark, it's still very introspective to read what was going on in my head back then. Hopefully this blog does the same for me 8 years down the road.